I have to remember, that this form I have, is a human form. I need to enjoy playing the game, & sometimes even be serious about it if I end up wishing. But, I must not get so attached to this human form, because then I’ll forget who I truly am.
God is so faithful, so constant, very loving & true. He’s powerful & his mercies are new every morning. I know he fills me & see’s me. He seems to know my every move. I know he won’t forsake me in my weaknesses. I need to let him write on my heart & show me who he is.
Right now, I’m in a rut. I know all of this, but I don’t feel it with all that is happening to me. It’s like I know it’s there, but why can’t I feel it. I think it’s because I don’t see the bigger picture. I’m angry. I keep saying it, but it’s the truth. It’s why, I can’t be positive about my situation. I feel it’s never-ending. Even though I know everything has a beginning & an end. Where is my end?
I’m a deep person. I feel everything. & the word Feel=me. I have to feel things, to be able to except them, know them, or even acknowledge them. I know exactly who I am. It’s very rare to know who you are, and see yourself, outside yourself.
I’m guarded. I’m closed right now. I want to open up….but I can’t. I’m too afraid of being let down again. So for right now, I’m going to protect myself from anything, anyone, or any situation that could happen to make me feel worse that what I already feel. Hopefully this will change soon, but at least I can own up to feeling this way.