My Hebrews 11

I was thinking about life, and how so much has changed and how everything constantly changes. If you know me, I hate change. I am a simple, yet complicated person who loves things to stay the same and be the way they used to be. It’s hard for me to deal with change. I really do think it is the hardest thing for me to deal with.

So tonight I was thinking about when and how we moved here and what I was really thinking as we were on the freeway leaving the only place we really ever had known as our “home”. Tonight I remembered how hard it REALLY was for me to leave. I remember being so excited that we were moving, but reality did not kick in, until we were on that freeway, and knowing we were never again going to live there. My whole life was about to change my gosh, how naive I was back then.

So to this day I am constantly thinking about Temecula, and how much I miss it. And if you know me even now, I talk about how much better it is down there, than living here in Longview. I guess it is because all my childhood memories, and everything that seemed to happen there was never bad. The Lord was constantly over our family, and it seemed like he was there all the time as our center, but our life was hectic, a good hectic. It seemed like those were the days when it was all so easy…. Living there is still the best thing about my childhood. My friends, family and church were my life.

I miss feeling that way. I miss that good ‘ol feeling, you get when you seem like you don’t have a care in the world. I miss having friends, and miss the way my family used to be. I miss my old church and how everyone seemed to just be a great big family of God. I miss the way my parents were when we lived there. Change is what changed all of this. I think that is why I have such a hard time dealing with it. I can’t let go of it. It is in my mind constantly.

I always keep wondering what it would have been like if we had just stayed there, and if we were there now? Yeah things would have changed because they always do, but would we have been happier? Would I still have all my friends? Would I not have back-slid the way I have up here?

I was thinking about when we moved here, and how I treated my parents. I was really mad, and mad at them, and thinking God why did they do this to me? Why would they rip me out of something so good, and something that had such good structure?? What was the purpose? We seemed to be so happy, and I was so happy, why? So as time passed I also began to get mad and angry toward God. I felt like he was not giving me reason. I slowly began to feel like he was not there, and not listening…. even though he never leaves, I felt like he was not there, because he had not answered me. I got mad and made it Gods fault and my parents fault that we moved here, and why-to make us unhappy.

We got robbed, I got into a bad accident, my dad got laid off, I mean one thing after another all we got was the bad. It was constant for months. How could I take it anymore, I asked. We moved here to have this? So this is where I started to really hate living here, and hate the people, and hate it all. I really became distant for God, and my own family. I made some really bad choices. I thought, you know what if they are going to move me here, and give me this as a life, I don’t care anymore. So I made some bad choices, and my some bad friends. I slowly became this person I did not really know anymore. I did not have God in my life, I did not care to. I wanted to punish my parents for them moving me here, and ripping me away from the only structure and stability in my life I had. I partied, drank, and made more bad choices. I lied to my parents, had the boyfriends Christians were supposed to have. I did it all! My relationship with my parents hit an all time low, and I had lost total respect for them, and drug them through, I think the toughest time in there life.

Finally, one day, God spoke to me. He said, Elissa hear your song I have for you…I turned on the radio, and the moment it came on…. It was The Kry…..

Take my Hand……

I know there are times
your dreams turn to dust
you wonder as you cry
why it has to hurt so much
give Me all your sadness
someday you will know the reason why
with a child-like heart
simply put your hope in Me

take My hand and walk where I lead
keep your eyes on Me alone
don’t you say why were the old days’ better
just because you’re scared of the unknown
take My hand and walk

don’t live in the past
cause yesterday’s gone
wishing memories would last
you’re afraid to carry on
you don’t know what’s comin’
but you know the one who holds tomorrow
I will be your guide
take you through the night
if you keep your eyes on Me

take My hand and walk where I lead
keep your eyes on me alone
don’t you say why were the old days better
just because you’re scared of the unknown

just like a child
holding daddy’s hand
don’t let go of mine
you know you can’t stand on your own

Hebrews 11

All I could do is fall on my knees, and cry and cry and cry…… This is what I needed. God totally spoke to me…. I had such a peace come over me, when this happened. From then on, my life could only get better and better with God on my side…..He truly is amazing…. and I am so glad that he is ALWAYS there. Just a prayer away. Every now and then, when I start to get upset, or I start to wish my life would be different, God just gives me this song all over again. You can deal with Change, God made Change and even if it’s hard to deal with, give it to the Lord.

I would just like to thank the people who have helped me survive this tough journey My beloved Mother, who’s compassion and strength is truly amazing, she is so wonderful. My loving father, who’s guidance, and understanding is so unconditional….. My older sister, who has already experienced it, and always had a listening ear. I love you….. and my all time amazing and beautiful sister…. Christian Sondra, who could always make me laugh, and see things from such a different perspective….she is truly a gift….. I love you….. and last but not least….. my unconditional loving husband, who never stops giving, and being that main support for me, even now. Baby you are my knight and shinning armor. God you are so wonderful to give me these people who I couldn’t survive with out!


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